My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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