this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
