I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
