I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
My pussy is not your playground.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
