My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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