nut hugger
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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