this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Randomize
