I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
