I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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