paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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