fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
