Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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