He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
