If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
