i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
