so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
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