I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
