i'm lost and i look like a hooker
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
