so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
