I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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