my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
