i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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