Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
