So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
