I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
