Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
