we have pet lesbian snakes
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
