He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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