How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Randomize
