Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
