After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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