11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
