i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
