Will you blow on my dice?
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
