Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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