Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
