chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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