she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Found your dick twin last night
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
