Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
