I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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