Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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