if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
