he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
