I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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