I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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