I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
