Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
