What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
