I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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