someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
